I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
