I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
