i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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