i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hippo gnu deer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
