ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
