Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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