We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
