Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
