how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
