After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
