Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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