I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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