This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
