I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
