eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
