someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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