so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
