Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
