so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
