my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
