So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
