OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
