I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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