oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
