I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
