omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
