I hate all girls vehemently.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
