he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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