Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
