you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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