Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
