that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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