Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What did we do last night that was yellow?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
