I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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