I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
