gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
