She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
