And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
