I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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