On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My balls are so social today.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
