So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
