She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
