im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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