I feel like abortions should bother me more
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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