The maid of honor just puked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
