He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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