Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
