He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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