i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
