guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
