i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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