Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We left the knife in your bed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
