i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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