A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
