Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
