that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
