So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
