so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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