I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
