wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the day after is always just damage control
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
