...so i touched it.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
