girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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