i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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