i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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