Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I touched a dick in church today
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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