He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
