I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
