Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
