My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
