Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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