well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
