His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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