What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
