nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
