I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love having hate sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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