Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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