you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
