i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dick very happy bro
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
