I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
