I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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