Are we in a gay sports bar?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
